Transgender Transcender

These last few weeks have been comprised of relentless searching and interviewing for ( and agonizing over) employment. As I’ve been repeatedly discussing my work history with prospective employers, I can’t help but reflect upon pivotal workplace experiences, from the inspirational to the absurd to the downright horrifying; and particularly about defining moments and personal encounters during my career in the beauty industry.

For those among us who are helpless in the face of aesthetic perfection, who become weak in the knees at the click of a newly opened compact, it is the shared conviction that there is transformative power in a new tube of lip gloss, that there is real magic in mascara. One person in particular stands out in my memory when I seek to define what compels those of us afflicted with beauty obsession.

RK was (and doubtless still is) a brilliant makeup artist, interior designer, costume designer and creator, stage performer and possibly the most aesthetically obsessed human ever. RK  is one of the most strikingly beautiful people, male or female, I have ever met. RK is also Transgender.

Having been born genetically male, RK described the experience of living in a male body as a child and adolescent as horribly uncomfortable and just plain wrong; like the itchiest, most ill-fitting mohair sweater that you can never take off , while everything in your soul, heart and mind screams for a do-over.

One needs only to be in her presence for a nanosecond to know that RK has clearly blossomed into her rightful place in the world as the gorgeous, hyper-feminine woman she has become. She is the definition of glamour.

She would always say, “I just know how to make things pretty”. But she knows much, much more than that. She is gentle and kind, sensitive to the feelings of others, stronger than anyone I have ever known, powerful, fiercely intelligent  and multitalented beyond words.

At the tail end of our time together as coworkers, there was much upheaval and turnover in our place of employ. New, untrained management and employees were thrown into what had been a rather familial environment, and company policy began to change. One of the bi-products of this upheaval was that a new manager continually referred to RK as “Him”, as in, “Please ask RK if he would take his break now”.

As you can imagine, this was incredibly offensive to RK, and to the rest of us, as her friends and coworkers. For what defines male and female, masculine and feminine, but our own definition of ourselves? It is pretty much common knowledge that human sexuality and gender definition is on a continuum, not starkly one way or the other. Do we not have the right to live honestly and openly as exactly the person we want to be? Every single time we allow others to define us, it is a tiny death of our own spirit. And it broke my heart to see the hurt and indignation in RK’s beautiful, perfectly lined eyes when she was addressed in this ridiculous way. Neither of us remained at this establishment for much longer after that.

Unacceptable is not a strong enough word for this kind of ignorance. It is, Dear Reader- and I am loath to say it- not at all pretty.

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